GO VOTE! Don't Vomit!

What a way to kick off Election Day... I'm standing in line at Keller Elementary School in Royal Oak, minding my own business (well truthfully I was reading up on handmade Christmas ideas courtesy of Martha Stewart Living Holiday magazine) when the absolute unthinkable happened...

So picture this: The line of people wrapped around the school hallways, past displays of pumpkin seed people and posters about werewolf books. It snaked through a small coat room and around the cafeteria (which no matter what school you visit, the caf can only be described as smelling like 'Hot Lunch'). And it zagged before entering the gym where the voting booths were set up. It was a sad day once I realized all of the people I believed to have voted and left were in fact herded like cattle into the packed school gymnasium. Note to self: In 2012, take Election Day off and sell newspapers and magazines to people standing in voting lines. Make millions. Retire.

Finally I start chatting up one of my neighbors when a woman ahead of me in line gets out and starts to cross the empty gym floor. I'm thinking, where on Earth is this yahoo going? I don't care how bad you have to use the Ladies Room, I'm not letting you back in line!? Suddenly I hear the sound of water dripping... followed by her immediately launching her breakfast into a nearby garbage can. DOESN'T EVEN LEAVE THE GYM -- mind you she's in full view of 200 of her closest neighbors -- but proceeds to keep throwing up in a gym where a shoe scuff sounds like the piercing scream of a banshee.

I was mortified. To say the very least. Head Precinct Guy walks by me, I flag him down and say 'is there something we can do? This woman is getting ill over here!' which apparently in Head Precinct Guy Language sounds like aqiucoij209835! because he looked at me like I had 3 heads.

An open letter to Head Precinct Guy: Yes, I know cleaning up vomit isn't your job. You thought you arrived today simply to point at the next available voting booth and deliver phrases like 'Last names A-L over here please!' But alas, this is what you have been dealt with. You are standing in an elementary school. I'm positive that not only are cleaning solutions on sight, but so is that horrible orange-smelling powder they used to cover up puke with as I'm sure it hasn't changed since I was in the 4th grade. Go get some. Go get this woman a glass of water. Or just plain pull her out into the hallway (that garbage can looks transportable!) and away from the 200 people who are now trying to contain themselves from gagging on this morning's eggs and bacon. No seriously, do it now.